I'm feeling pretty good. I don't care what they think of me, even though what I did is so foggy and long ago that I don't really remember.
It's great though! From my perspective, I don't have to deal with them anymore~
It's amazing. Thanks tbd and ps for helping me out. They're such kind haters. So kind to go out and help me like this ♥
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
...
I have had my closure. So... why does it keep on bothering me?
I guess I miss.... just miss the fun. All the fun we had. Through all of our problems, we were friends. I guess the bond of friendship was meant to be broken though. By none other then yours truly. When I finally got replies to my private messages, I had been cut out of this person's life. A 'void' was where I used to be in her heart. How do you do such a thing? I wish I was that strong. All I do anymore is look at her isolation and wonder what happened. It is not my place to ask though; I am no longer apart of this person's life. I guess the thing that bothers me the most is the fact that she ... she's officially gone.
Although, being gone and moving on are two completely different things. IF she is moving on and moving up in the world, then I am content. But just leaving scares me. Obviously I'm no longer in the know, but she just cut off all communication. Which leaves me to wonder...
and to worry.
I guess I miss.... just miss the fun. All the fun we had. Through all of our problems, we were friends. I guess the bond of friendship was meant to be broken though. By none other then yours truly. When I finally got replies to my private messages, I had been cut out of this person's life. A 'void' was where I used to be in her heart. How do you do such a thing? I wish I was that strong. All I do anymore is look at her isolation and wonder what happened. It is not my place to ask though; I am no longer apart of this person's life. I guess the thing that bothers me the most is the fact that she ... she's officially gone.
Although, being gone and moving on are two completely different things. IF she is moving on and moving up in the world, then I am content. But just leaving scares me. Obviously I'm no longer in the know, but she just cut off all communication. Which leaves me to wonder...
and to worry.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
At last, things are falling into place (pt. 1 of 2)
This is part 1, my internet life. Part 2 will follow after February.
I've been interacting with the internet for most of my life. From Thomas the Tank Engine when I was 5 to Neopets to my final destination, The Backloggery.
Whenever I used look back upon my time on the internet, it's been riddled with good times and bad times. However, the bad times seem to stick. Recently however, the bad times have been disappearing and I've been able to move on from these negative memories.
As of last week, all of these things would come up whenever I went to www.backloggery.com.
Why? Well to find an answer to that, I dove deeper into my past... Almost one year ago, I destroyed a really good relationship with someone on The BL. I put the blame all on me, because, who else was there to blame? I felt terrible. I slowly felt that all I could do was hurt. I decided later on that I would not let anyone get as close as they did, for their own safety. ...That is still in effect too- I don't want to hurt anyone anymore.
So this past year has been a difficult one. Though many people enjoy free time and wish they could have a lifetime of it- Don't wish for it. I've had it, and it's been the worst year of my life. 2010 is definitely worth forgetting for me. With this wall I have erected around myself, I no longer go outside and I don't see anyone who I thought I was friends with. It's terrible. Seeing all of your friends and family moving on with their lives... and you sitting there dwelling and spiraling downwards.
However, even though things still look bleak, I still hold on to a slim piece of hope that I can move on.
Recently, things have been taking a turn for the better believe it or not.
I got closure. It took a full year, but I got closure. No more dwelling on what I did. The one thing that is my punishment as I see it, is that we'll never be friends again. With my head hung low, I accepted this. I need to remember this as well.
Moral of the story is: Learn from your mistakes. Don't make them twice.
As far as things falling into place, I may be going off of all of my medication starting on Feb. 1st when I meet with my doctors to discuss what needs to happen. Later on I will update all of you on what my status is.
I miss you, PS.
I've been interacting with the internet for most of my life. From Thomas the Tank Engine when I was 5 to Neopets to my final destination, The Backloggery.
Whenever I used look back upon my time on the internet, it's been riddled with good times and bad times. However, the bad times seem to stick. Recently however, the bad times have been disappearing and I've been able to move on from these negative memories.
As of last week, all of these things would come up whenever I went to www.backloggery.com.
Why? Well to find an answer to that, I dove deeper into my past... Almost one year ago, I destroyed a really good relationship with someone on The BL. I put the blame all on me, because, who else was there to blame? I felt terrible. I slowly felt that all I could do was hurt. I decided later on that I would not let anyone get as close as they did, for their own safety. ...That is still in effect too- I don't want to hurt anyone anymore.
So this past year has been a difficult one. Though many people enjoy free time and wish they could have a lifetime of it- Don't wish for it. I've had it, and it's been the worst year of my life. 2010 is definitely worth forgetting for me. With this wall I have erected around myself, I no longer go outside and I don't see anyone who I thought I was friends with. It's terrible. Seeing all of your friends and family moving on with their lives... and you sitting there dwelling and spiraling downwards.
However, even though things still look bleak, I still hold on to a slim piece of hope that I can move on.
Recently, things have been taking a turn for the better believe it or not.
I got closure. It took a full year, but I got closure. No more dwelling on what I did. The one thing that is my punishment as I see it, is that we'll never be friends again. With my head hung low, I accepted this. I need to remember this as well.
Moral of the story is: Learn from your mistakes. Don't make them twice.
As far as things falling into place, I may be going off of all of my medication starting on Feb. 1st when I meet with my doctors to discuss what needs to happen. Later on I will update all of you on what my status is.
I miss you, PS.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
I'm back.
To all of your demise, I have returned to blogging. There are many new thoughts in my head that need to be put out there. Maybe then they will make some sort of sense.
Monday, August 2, 2010
Moving On
I made a new blog, "The goings on inside my head."
Its going to focus more on my thoughts and how contradicting they are.
...haha.
Its going to focus more on my thoughts and how contradicting they are.
...haha.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Update
Everything has been ...going? Nothing special. (Which is fine) Its so hot here though. over 90 F everyday :(
Friday, June 4, 2010
Graduate
Yeah. I finally did it. I graduated from High School.
Hell, I even spoke at graduation! :D
Next step: Life.
Hell, I even spoke at graduation! :D
Next step: Life.
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